Alright, pop that tape in the VCR, maybe give the tracking a little nudge, because we're diving headfirst into a wonderfully weird slice of 80s cinema today: 1987's Real Men. This one… well, this one wasn't exactly lighting up the box office charts back in the day, but find it nestled between bigger hits on the video store shelf, maybe drawn in by the familiar faces of John Ritter and James Belushi, and you were in for a ride that was equal parts baffling and bizarrely charming. Forget your standard buddy cop formula; this flick throws spies, aliens, and a choice between universal salvation and a really good glass of water into a blender and hits 'puree'.
### The Ultimate Odd Couple
The core of Real Men rests squarely on the shoulders of its two leads, and thankfully, it's a pairing that just works, even if you wouldn't expect it to. We have John Ritter, playing beautifully against his usual physical comedy type (though hints of Jack Tripper peek through), as Bob Wilson. Bob's your quintessential timid, suburban dad – nice house, nice family, utterly unprepared for anything outside his bubble. He’s the kind of guy whose biggest crisis is probably misplacing the TV remote. Then, swaggering into his life like a force of nature is James Belushi as Nick Pirandello, a smooth-talking, womanizing, highly capable (and slightly unhinged) CIA agent. Belushi, who was really hitting his stride in films like About Last Night... (1986) around this time, absolutely nails Pirandello's blend of effortless cool and barely contained chaos. The chemistry between the perpetually flustered Ritter and the relentlessly confident Belushi is the film’s engine, generating most of the laughs and keeping the outlandish plot somewhat grounded.
### So, About That Plot...
And outlandish it is! The setup involves a top-secret mission: Bob Wilson, who bears an uncanny resemblance to a deceased CIA agent, must meet with aliens in Washington D.C. to trade a glass of water (yes, water) for a "Big Gun" capable of saving the world from toxic waste. Pirandello's job is to get the clueless Bob there safely, navigating clown assassins, rogue agents, Russian spies disguised as furniture movers, and Pirandello's own complicated personal life. It sounds completely bonkers, and honestly, it is. This script came from Dennis Feldman, who also penned Eddie Murphy's The Golden Child (1986) – another film blending action-comedy with supernatural elements. Real Men was Feldman's sole directorial effort, perhaps explaining its slightly uneven tone but also its unique, unfiltered vision. It feels like a film someone really wanted to make exactly this way, commercial viability be damned.
### That Genuine 80s Feel
Watching Real Men today is like opening a time capsule. The fashion, the cars, the synth-pop score – it all screams mid-80s. But beyond the aesthetics, there's a certain texture to the filmmaking that feels distinctly of the era. The "action," such as it is, relies less on huge explosions and more on practical stunts and quick cuts. Remember those scenes where Pirandello casually dispatches threats with almost bored efficiency? There's a pleasing physicality to it, a sense of real people doing things in real spaces, even when those things are utterly absurd, like fighting off attackers while trying to maintain cover in suburbia. There's no CGI sheen here; when a car flips or someone gets thrown through a window, you feel the crunch. Feldman, coming from a background in photography, gives the film a clean, functional look, letting the performances and the sheer strangeness of the scenario carry the weight. It's a far cry from the hyper-stylized action comedies we often see now.
Interestingly, despite the star power and a concept ripe for cult status, Real Men completely bombed at the box office, barely recouping its estimated $10 million budget. Critics weren't kind either; the legendary Siskel & Ebert famously gave it two thumbs down. It truly became a film discovered later, on home video, where its eccentricities could be appreciated without the pressure of opening weekend expectations. I distinctly remember renting this one purely based on the cover art and the actors, having no idea what strange journey I was about to embark on. It became one of those "Have you seen this weird movie...?" recommendations passed between friends.
### More Than Just Laughs?
While primarily a comedy, Real Men occasionally flirts with darker themes – the casual violence of Pirandello's world, the potential destruction of the planet, the inherent danger Bob is thrown into. These moments are usually undercut by humor, but they add a slightly subversive edge. The supporting cast, including Barbara Barrie as Ritter's worried mom, adds to the overall charm, grounding the film slightly amidst the chaos. The mission itself, delivering water to aliens, feels like a deliberate send-up of overly complex Cold War spy thrillers, replacing microfilm and defectors with something utterly mundane yet cosmically important. Was that the real genius of the plot device?
It's certainly not a perfect film. The pacing sometimes drags, and some plot threads feel underdeveloped. But its commitment to its bizarre premise and the genuinely funny interplay between Ritter and Belushi make it incredibly watchable. It’s a film that doesn’t take itself too seriously, inviting the audience to just go along with the weirdness.
Rating: 7/10
Justification: Real Men earns a solid 7 for its fantastic central pairing, its bravely bizarre concept, and its undeniable 80s charm. The chemistry between Ritter and Belushi elevates the material significantly. While its low-budget feel and uneven tone hold it back from classic status, its sheer originality and memorable moments make it a standout oddity from the era. It flopped hard, but found its audience later – the perfect VHS discovery.
Final Take: Forget gritty realism; Real Men offered a wonderfully strange, often hilarious detour down the less-travelled roads of 80s comedy. It’s proof that sometimes, the weirdest finds on the video store shelf were the most memorable – a refreshing glass of water in a sea of big guns.