Alright, fellow tapeheads, let’s rewind to a time when vampire stories weren’t always brooding epics, but could also be… well, incredibly goofy high school comedies. Pop the cassette in, adjust the tracking if you need to (you probably need to), and let’s talk about 1985’s Once Bitten, a film that perfectly captures the strange, neon-lit alchemy of mid-80s cinema. Forget Anne Rice elegance; this is virgin-seeking vampirism filtered through the lens of a John Hughes-adjacent sex romp.
### Fang Bang Theory
Picture this: Los Angeles, mid-80s. Mark Kendall (Jim Carrey) is a high school senior with one thing on his mind, a goal shared by his equally hormonal buddies (played with appropriate goofiness by Thomas Ballatore and Skip Lackey). His patient girlfriend, Robin (Karen Kopins), isn't quite ready to go all the way, leading Mark on a quest for… experience. Enter the Countess (Lauren Hutton), an ancient, impossibly chic vampire who just happens to need the blood of a virgin – specifically, three hits before Halloween – to maintain her youthful glow. Naturally, she sets her sights on the unsuspecting Mark. It’s a premise so quintessentially 80s, you can practically smell the hairspray and Drakkar Noir wafting off the screen.
This wasn't some low-budget schlockfest cobbled together over a weekend, though. Directed by veteran TV director Howard Storm (known more for sitcoms like Mork & Mindy), Once Bitten actually had a decent budget for its time – around $3.2 million – and managed to pull in over $10 million at the box office. Not a blockbuster, sure, but proof that audiences back then had an appetite for this kind of charmingly silly genre mashup. It found its true home, like so many films of the era, on cable TV and the glorious shelves of the local video store. I distinctly remember catching this late one night, the slightly fuzzy picture adding to the dreamlike absurdity of it all.
### Carrey Takes Flight (Before He Really Took Flight)
Let's be honest, the main reason many revisit Once Bitten today is Jim Carrey. Just 23 years old and years away from his Ace Ventura superstardom, you can already see the raw, kinetic energy simmering beneath the surface. He’s playing the relatable (if slightly dense) teen lead, but moments of pure Carrey-esque physicality burst through, especially in the film's most memorable sequence: the dance-off. Strutting and contorting with manic glee, it’s a glimpse of the rubber-faced phenomenon to come. It wasn’t just random flailing, either; that scene showcases the nascent comedic genius that would soon conquer Hollywood. He hadn't quite refined the persona, but the sparks are undeniable.
Opposite him, Lauren Hutton, the iconic supermodel, brings a surprising amount of cool, detached menace to the Countess. Apparently, Hutton approached the role with utter seriousness, deciding the Countess wasn't a joke but a predator who’d been doing this for centuries. That commitment grounds the absurdity just enough. She’s not campy; she’s elegant, aloof, and genuinely seems like she could drain you dry without smudging her lipstick. It’s a clever bit of casting that elevates the material. Karen Kopins as Robin also deserves a nod; she plays the "good girl" with sweetness and charm, making her a believable anchor amidst the vampiric chaos.
### That Sweet, Sweet 80s Cheese
Watching Once Bitten now is like opening a time capsule. The fashion! The synth-heavy score! The casual high school antics! It’s drenched in the aesthetic of its time. The plot mechanics are wafer-thin, relying heavily on misunderstandings and Mark’s increasingly bizarre behavior as the Countess’s influence takes hold (including a hilarious aversion to raw meat). There aren't elaborate practical effects battles here; the horror elements are played strictly for laughs. The vampire lore is simplified to serve the comedy: she needs virgin blood, sunlight bothers her a bit, and getting bitten makes you act… weird.
The film doesn’t aim for scares or deep mythology. Its goal is straightforward teen comedy with a supernatural twist, and on that level, it mostly succeeds. The humor is broad, sometimes groan-inducing, but often genuinely funny thanks to Carrey's early antics and the sheer weirdness of the situation. Remember how utterly normal a plot like this felt sandwiched between other teen comedies of the era? It’s easy to forget now, but blending genres like this was part of the fun back then. Critics at the time weren't particularly kind, often dismissing it as silly fluff, but audiences seeking lightweight entertainment found exactly what they were looking for.
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VHS Heaven Rating: 6/10
Justification: Once Bitten is far from a cinematic masterpiece. The plot is thin, the humor is aggressively 80s, and it relies heavily on its central gimmick. However, it delivers exactly what it promises: a goofy, charmingly dated horror-comedy romp. Lauren Hutton is effortlessly cool, Karen Kopins is sweet, and witnessing the raw, untamed energy of a pre-superstar Jim Carrey is a genuine treat for film fans. It earns points for its sheer nostalgic value and for Carrey's early flashes of brilliance, particularly in that unforgettable dance scene. It’s the kind of movie that thrived on VHS – maybe not a top-shelf rental every time, but a fun discovery you’d happily watch again when it turned up on late-night TV.
Final Take: A perfectly preserved slice of mid-80s absurdity; less biting satire, more nibbling fun, and essential viewing for anyone tracing the wild trajectory of Jim Carrey. It's comfort food cinema from the video store era – maybe not nutritious, but undeniably satisfying in its own cheesy way.