Alright, rewind your minds with me. Picture the shelves of your favourite dusty video rental joint, sometime around the mid-90s. You’re scanning past the usual action heroes and horror icons, and then your eyes land on this. A Japanese film, Getting Any? (1995), with Takeshi Kitano’s name attached. You know Kitano – the master of minimalist cool, the stoic face of brutal yakuza thrillers like Sonatine (1993). You grab the tape, expecting maybe a quirky crime caper. Instead, you get… well, you get this. One of the most gloriously unhinged, baffling, and utterly unique comedies to ever grace a VHS cassette. If your VCR didn't chew this tape up out of sheer confusion, you were in for a ride.
One Man's Absurd Quest
The plot, thin as tracing paper, follows Asao (Dankan), a man whose entire existence revolves around a single, desperate goal: getting laid. That’s it. But the how is where Kitano throws every conceivable comedic idea, genre parody, and surreal visual gag at the screen. Asao’s journey isn't a narrative arc; it's a series of increasingly bizarre vignettes loosely strung together by his hormonal drive. He tries buying a cool car, becoming an actor, robbing a bank, joining the yakuza, even volunteering for a scientific experiment that riffs hilariously (and disturbingly) on The Fly.
Kitano Cuts Loose
This film feels like Takeshi Kitano (credited here under his comedic stage name, Beat Takeshi) raided a costume shop, grabbed his comedian buddies, and decided to exorcise every silly impulse he couldn't fit into his more serious work. Remember, Kitano started as a hugely popular stand-up comedian (one half of the duo "Two Beat") before his cinematic reinvention. Getting Any? feels like a deliberate, almost aggressive, return to those anarchic roots. It’s fascinating trivia that Kitano reportedly made this film partly as a stress release and a way to just have fun after the intense international acclaim (and perhaps pressure) following Sonatine. He basically decided to make the most un-Kitano film possible, and boy, did he succeed. He even pops up in multiple roles, including a memorable turn as a mad scientist.
Genre Soup and Goofy Effects
The real joy (or perhaps challenge) of Getting Any? lies in its relentless genre-hopping parody. One minute you're in a spoof of a classic samurai film (complete with a ridiculous Zatoichi send-up), the next you're watching a low-budget kaiju sequence that makes early Godzilla look like Weta Digital. There’s a ghost story segment, a war movie parody, a slapstick invisible man routine... it’s relentless.
And the effects? Pure mid-90s practical charm, often leaning into deliberate cheesiness for comedic effect. The giant fly transformation? It’s achieved with a delightfully rubbery suit and some enthusiastic gesticulating from Dankan. The explosions in the yakuza bits look satisfyingly real in that pre-CGI way, likely achieved with good old-fashioned squibs and flash powder. There's a raw, tactile feel to the gags, even the silliest ones, that digital effects often smooth away. Was that car chase sequence – the one where the car keeps falling apart – utterly absurd yet strangely compelling in its commitment to the bit? It perfectly captures that era's willingness to embrace the goofy physicality of comedy.
A Cult Oddity Is Born
Unsurprisingly, Getting Any? baffled many critics and audiences upon release, especially those expecting another dose of Kitano's trademark arthouse violence. It performed poorly compared to his acclaimed dramas and remains one of his least-seen films internationally. Yet, its sheer strangeness earned it a certain cult status among Kitano completists and lovers of bizarre world cinema. It’s the kind of film whispered about in online forums, a "you gotta see this to believe it" discovery. Even the score by frequent Kitano collaborator Joe Hisaishi (yes, the maestro behind My Neighbor Totoro and Spirited Away!) plays along, often providing unexpectedly lush or dramatic music that brilliantly counterpoints the on-screen absurdity.
Dankan deserves immense credit for holding the chaos together. His portrayal of Asao is a masterclass in committed simplemindedness. He throws himself into every humiliating scenario with wide-eyed determination, a Chaplinesque figure adrift in a sea of Japanese pop culture parodies and scatological humor.
Final Verdict
Getting Any? is not a film for everyone. Its humour is shotgun-blast scattershot – some gags land perfectly, others misfire wildly, and some are just… weird. It’s juvenile, episodic, and lacks the emotional depth or cool veneer of Kitano’s celebrated work. But viewed through the lens of VHS nostalgia, it’s a fascinating oddity, a time capsule of unrestrained comedic anarchy from a director proving he could be just as unpredictable with laughter as with violence.
Rating: 6/10 - The score reflects its wildly uneven nature but acknowledges its unique place in Kitano's filmography and its undeniable cult appeal. It’s not 'good' in a conventional sense, but it's unforgettable and occasionally brilliant in its sheer audacity.
For the adventurous VHS hunter, Getting Any? is that strange, brightly coloured tape you pull from the back shelf, unsure what awaits. It’s a baffling, sometimes exhausting, but ultimately fascinating glimpse of a cinematic master cutting loose and making exactly the lunatic comedy he wanted to, consequences be damned. You might not 'get it', but you won't forget watching it.