Okay, settle back into that worn spot on the couch, maybe imagine the faint hum of a VCR powering up. Today, we're pulling a tape from the shelf that... well, it certainly made an impression back in 1994. It's a film brimming with ambition, star power, and a premise so peculiar it feels like a fever dream you might have had after too much sugary cereal. Let's talk about Rob Reiner's baffling journey across the globe (and genres), North.
Remember the pitch? Young North (Elijah Wood, already showing that wide-eyed sincerity that would later take him to Mordor) feels unappreciated by his self-absorbed parents (Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, essentially playing heightened versions of their neurotic TV personas). His solution isn't just running away; oh no, this is the 90s! He decides to legally divorce them and embark on a worldwide quest to find the perfect parents, with a deadline before he becomes parentless property of the state. Guiding him, sometimes literally dressed as an Easter Bunny, is a mysterious figure played by none other than Bruce Willis. Yes, you read that correctly.
A World Tour of Weirdness
What unfolds is less a cohesive story and more a series of loosely connected, often culturally questionable vignettes. North travels from Texas (where Dan Aykroyd and Reba McEntire offer oil-rich absurdity) to Hawaii (with Kathy Bates trying to adopt him into a pseudo-native lifestyle), Alaska (where Graham Greene leads an Inuit family living in a suspiciously modern igloo), and even Amish country and Paris. Each stop features big-name cameos hamming it up, playing broad stereotypes that felt more awkward than amusing even back then.
It's a film that swings wildly in tone. One minute it feels like a whimsical kids' adventure, the next it attempts satire on parental neglect and media frenzy, and then Bruce Willis pops up in another bizarre costume (a cowboy, a beach bum, a sleigh driver...) offering cryptic advice. Reiner, the man who gave us cherished classics like The Princess Bride (1987) and Stand by Me (1986), seemed completely adrift here. It's fascinating to consider how a director with such a Midas touch could helm a project that felt so fundamentally misconceived. The screenplay, adapted by Alan Zweibel (who wrote the original novel) and Andrew Scheinman, just never finds its footing, lurching from one strange set piece to another.
Behind the Technicolor Curtain
The production itself is a tale worth telling. Reportedly made for a hefty $40 million (a significant sum in '94, roughly equivalent to $80 million today), North was a colossal box office bomb, barely scraping together $7 million domestically. It became instantly infamous, particularly after Roger Ebert delivered one of his most scathing reviews ever, famously stating, "I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it." Ouch. Even Siskel agreed, giving it two thumbs way down.
Yet, despite the critical drubbing and financial failure, there's an undeniable curiosity factor. Seeing a pre-Frodo Elijah Wood give his all, navigating this bizarre landscape with earnest conviction, is something to behold. And Bruce Willis? He apparently took the role as a favor to Reiner, working for union scale pay. His seemingly random appearances become one of the film's strange, recurring motifs – you almost start playing "spot the Willis costume." The sheer number of recognizable faces popping up (Jon Lovitz, Alan Arkin, Kelly McGillis, Faith Ford... the list goes on) makes it feel like half of Hollywood owed Reiner a favor. It’s like watching an extravagant, bewildering talent show.
A Relic of Risky Ambition?
Watching North today through the lens of nostalgia is a unique experience. It’s not good in the conventional sense. The jokes often fall flat, the stereotypes are wince-inducing, and the central conceit feels stretched impossibly thin. I remember renting this from Blockbuster, drawn in by the familiar faces and the promise of a quirky family adventure, only to be utterly perplexed by what unfolded on the screen. It wasn't quite funny enough for a comedy, not quite touching enough for a family drama, and far too strange to be easily categorized.
But maybe that’s its odd charm now? It represents a kind of big-budget studio gamble that feels rare today – a completely original, utterly bizarre concept given the full Hollywood treatment. The practical sets, the elaborate costumes, the sheer effort poured into something so fundamentally flawed is, in its own way, quite fascinating. It’s a time capsule of 90s aesthetics and a cautionary tale about even the most successful filmmakers sometimes losing their way.
VHS Verdict
North is a cinematic train wreck, but one you sometimes can't look away from. It's poorly paced, tonally chaotic, and often nonsensical. Yet, the commitment of young Elijah Wood, the bewildering presence of Bruce Willis, and the sheer audacity of its premise make it a memorable piece of 90s movie history, albeit for all the wrong reasons. It’s the kind of film you might watch with friends precisely because it's so legendarily misjudged, prompting plenty of "What were they thinking?!" moments.
Rating: 3/10
This score reflects a film that fails spectacularly on almost every narrative and comedic level. However, the sheer star power involved, its infamous reputation, and its status as a fascinatingly bizarre cultural artifact prevent it from hitting absolute zero. It's less a movie to enjoy and more one to experience as a baffling Hollywood curiosity.
So, if you stumble across this tape gathering dust, maybe give it a spin – not for quality, but for the sheer, unadulterated, baffling weirdness that only the 90s could sometimes produce. It's a cinematic journey alright, just maybe not the one anyone intended.