Alright, fellow tapeheads, let's rewind to a time when video store aisles were treasure troves and Whoopi Goldberg was absolutely electric on screen. Remember grabbing that slightly worn VHS box, maybe drawn in by her instantly recognizable face on the cover? Tonight, we're dusting off 1987’s Burglar, a flick that tried to blend crime caper thrills with Whoopi’s unique comedic spark. Slide that tape in, adjust the tracking (you know you had to!), and let’s see if this one holds up.
### Whoopi Takes the Lead (and the Loot)
Right off the bat, Burglar is undeniably a vehicle for Whoopi Goldberg. Fresh off her dramatic turn in The Color Purple (1985) and showing off the comedic chops that made her a stand-up legend, she plays Bernice 'Bernie' Rhodenbarr, a San Francisco bookstore owner with a slightly illegal side hustle: cat burglary. The film itself is a curious adaptation, taking Lawrence Block’s popular novels about a male white burglar and reimagining the lead character entirely for Whoopi. It’s a bold move, and honestly, Whoopi’s charisma is the glue holding this whole caper together. She brings that effortless cool, sharp wit, and moments of genuine vulnerability that make Bernie instantly likable, even when she's picking locks. It’s fascinating to think that Bruce Willis, then primarily known for TV's Moonlighting, was apparently considered for the role before the decision was made to tailor it for Goldberg. Imagine that version!
The plot kicks off when Bernie gets strong-armed by a crooked cop, Ray Kirschman (G. W. Bailey, forever etched in our minds as Captain Harris from the Police Academy series), into pulling off one last job. Things inevitably go sideways when Bernie stumbles upon a dead body mid-burglary, framing her for murder. What follows is a race against time as Bernie tries to clear her name, dodging both the police and the real killer.
### That 80s Comedy-Thriller Vibe
Directed by Hugh Wilson, who gifted us the original Police Academy (1984), Burglar definitely carries some of that decade's specific energy. Wilson knew his way around ensemble comedies, but the blend with the thriller elements here is... well, let's call it of its time. The shifts between genuinely funny banter, particularly between Bernie and her hyperactive poodle-groomer friend Carl Hefler (Bobcat Goldthwait), and the more serious murder mystery plot can feel a bit jarring. But isn't that part of the charm of these 80s genre mashups? They weren't always smooth, but they swung for the fences.
Speaking of Bobcat Goldthwait, his performance as Carl is pure, unfiltered 80s oddball energy. That unmistakable screechy voice, the manic delivery – he's the chaotic comic relief to Whoopi's cooler center. Their chemistry is strange but effective, providing some of the film's most memorable (and quotable) moments. Remember that scene in the dentist's office? Classic Goldthwait mayhem.
The film’s look and feel screams 1987 – the shoulder pads, the feathered hair on supporting characters like Lesley Ann Warren (who plays Dr. Cynthia Sheldrake), the boxy cars tearing through recognizable San Francisco streets. While not heavy on explosive action like some other tapes sharing the rental shelf, the chase sequences and moments of peril have that practical, grounded feel. No slick CGI here – just real cars, real locations, and Whoopi doing a fair bit of running and reacting that felt immediate, even through the slight fuzz of a well-loved tape.
### Behind the Burglar Bars
It’s interesting to dig into the background of Burglar. Beyond the significant character change from the source novels (The Burglar in the Closet and The Burglar Who Liked to Quote Kipling), the film had a decent budget for the time (around $16 million) but didn't exactly set the box office on fire, barely recouping its costs domestically with about $16.3 million. Perhaps this explains why it feels like one of Whoopi's slightly less-remembered 80s efforts compared to, say, Jumpin' Jack Flash (1986). Yet, for many of us, Burglar likely found its true audience on home video, becoming a familiar presence during late-night channel surfing or weekend rental binges.
The script, credited to Joseph Loeb III and Matthew Weisman (a duo who also penned the scripts for Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando (1985) and the Michael J. Fox hit Teen Wolf (1985) – talk about range!) along with director Hugh Wilson, tries hard to balance its disparate elements. While critics at the time were somewhat mixed, often finding the tone uneven, there's an undeniable B-movie charm to the proceedings now. It’s not trying to be high art; it’s trying to be an entertaining Friday night watch, and on that level, it often succeeds thanks to its star.
### The Final Haul
Burglar is a quintessential example of an 80s star vehicle – built around the considerable talents of Whoopi Goldberg, packed with familiar character actors, and blending genres with sometimes awkward but always interesting results. It’s a bit shaggy, the mystery isn’t exactly Agatha Christie, and the tone wobbles like a poorly adjusted tracking knob. Yet, Whoopi shines, Bobcat Goldthwait is unforgettably weird, and it serves up a delightful slice of 80s San Francisco atmosphere. It might not be a masterpiece, but it’s a comfortable, nostalgic watch.
VHS Heaven Rating: 6/10
Justification: The score reflects the film's heavy reliance on Whoopi Goldberg's star power and comedic timing, which elevates the often uneven script. Bobcat Goldthwait adds unique, memorable humor. However, the shaky blend of comedy and thriller, along with a fairly predictable plot, keeps it from scoring higher. It earns points for its strong 80s vibe and nostalgic charm, making it a fun, if flawed, trip down memory lane.
Final Take: It’s no diamond necklace, but Burglar is a cozy, familiar piece of 80s costume jewelry – maybe not essential, but definitely fun to pull out of the box for a nostalgic viewing party.