Alright, fellow tapeheads, dim the lights, adjust the tracking, and let that familiar hum of the VCR transport you back. Tonight, we’re pulling a wonderfully weird one from the back shelves of the video store memory palace: 1986’s Monster in the Closet. The title alone probably conjures up a specific kind of low-budget, high-concept silliness, and trust me, this movie delivers exactly that, wrapped in a charmingly earnest B-movie package. Forget slick CGI terrors; this is pure, unadulterated 80s creature feature fun, the kind you’d excitedly grab based purely on the lurid cover art.
Something Lurks in the Laundry Room
The setup is classic small-town horror, filtered through a distinctly comedic lens. People in the sleepy town of Chestnut Hills are being mysteriously killed... in their closets. The sheriff is baffled, the mayor is panicking, and the military eventually gets involved in a way only 80s movies could portray – with maximum overkill and minimal common sense. Enter our unlikely heroes: dismissed newspaper reporter Richard Clark (Donald Grant), who smells a Pulitzer, and brilliant-but-eccentric scientist Dr. Diane Bennett (Denise DuBarry), who suspects something... unusual. Together, with the help of Diane's precocious son 'Professor' Bennett (a very young Paul Walker in one of his earliest roles!), they set out to uncover the truth behind the closet carnage.
It’s a premise played mostly straight, which somehow makes the inherent absurdity even funnier. The film walks a fine line between genuine attempts at suspense – shadowy figures, mysterious disappearances – and outright parody of monster movie tropes. Guiding the initial, increasingly frantic investigation is Sheriff Sam Ketchem, played with gruff, weary authority by the always-welcome Claude Akins, a veteran face familiar from countless TV shows and films. He grounds the early scenes before the full-blown weirdness truly takes hold.
Practical Terror, Budget Charm
Let's talk about the monster. When it finally emerges from the shadows (and the closets, naturally), it's a glorious piece of practical effects work. No pixels here, folks – this is pure latex, foam, and puppetry. Is it terrifying by today's standards? Well, maybe not terrifying, but it has a tangible, physical presence that’s undeniably endearing. You can almost smell the rubber cement! There's a charming clunkiness to its design and movement that feels perfectly suited to the film's overall tone. Remember how real these physical monsters felt back then, lumbering right there on set with the actors? Monster in the Closet captures that feeling perfectly. You can tell director Bob Dahlin (in his only feature film directing credit, which feels like a perfectly weird piece of trivia itself) was leaning into the classic creature feature playbook, even on what was clearly a modest budget. You can almost picture the crew wrestling with the suit between takes.
A Cast of Characters (and Future Stars)
Beyond the main trio and Akins, the cast is sprinkled with familiar character actors and, fascinatingly, future stars. Keep an eye out not just for Paul Walker as the brainy kid, but also a brief appearance by Stacy Ferguson – yes, that Fergie from The Black Eyed Peas – as a character named Lucy. Finding these early roles is always a blast when revisiting these VHS-era gems. Donald Grant plays the leading man with a sort of low-key, slightly bemused charm, while Denise DuBarry brings intelligence and warmth to the scientist role, avoiding becoming a simple damsel in distress. Their chemistry is surprisingly effective amidst the chaos.
The Big Reveal (Spoiler Alert!)
Okay, we have to talk about why the monster is killing people. If you haven’t seen it, maybe skip this paragraph, but honestly, the reveal is so wonderfully bizarre it deserves mention. Spoiler Alert! The monster isn't motivated by hunger or malice... it's driven mad by the sound of rattling coat hangers! It's a punchline that perfectly encapsulates the film's goofy heart. When the army eventually confronts the creature, their attempts to destroy it are hilariously over-the-top and ineffective, leading to a climax that embraces the absurdity wholeheartedly. It’s moments like these, combined with the earnest performances and the tangible monster suit, that elevate Monster in the Closet beyond simple schlock. It knows it's silly, but it commits to the bit.
Troma's Touch and Cult Appeal
Interestingly, while not produced by them, Monster in the Closet found its audience largely thanks to Troma Entertainment, who picked it up for distribution. This association instantly places it in the realm of cult classics and midnight movie mainstays. It wasn't a box office smash, and critics at the time were likely bewildered, but it absolutely found its people on home video – those of us who appreciated its weird blend of horror, comedy, and surprisingly gentle satire. It’s a perfect example of a film that might have vanished entirely if not for the booming VHS rental market giving oddities like this a shelf life.
***
VHS Heaven Rating: 6/10
Justification: Monster in the Closet earns its score through sheer quirky charm, memorable practical creature effects (however dated), and its status as a quintessential 80s horror-comedy oddity. The acting is earnest B-movie level, the premise is delightfully absurd, and spotting future stars adds extra fun. It's hampered by its low budget and occasionally uneven tone, but its commitment to its goofy concept and the tangible feel of its monster make it a genuinely enjoyable watch for fans of the era.
Final Take: This is pure video store gold – maybe not high art, but a fantastically fun, slightly creaky creature feature that perfectly embodies the weird and wonderful discoveries waiting on those beloved VHS shelves. Pop it in when you need a reminder that sometimes, the silliest monsters hide in the most ordinary places.