Alright, fellow tapeheads, let's rewind to a time when creature features didn't need slick CGI to make you jump, and the local video store shelf held fuzzy-boxed treasures waiting to be discovered. Tonight’s feature presentation dug out from the back corner of VHS Heaven? None other than 1986’s furry, fanged free-for-all: Critters.
Remember popping this one in? Maybe late on a Friday night, the tracking slightly off, adding an extra layer of menace to those glowing red eyes? Critters crash-landed into the mid-80s horror-comedy scene, often living in the shadow of Gremlins (released two years prior), but carving out its own distinct, toothy niche. While producer Robert Shaye reportedly pushed for a Gremlins-esque tone after that film's success, writer Domonic Muir had actually conceived the idea years earlier, aiming for something a bit meaner, a bit weirder. And weird it gloriously is.
### Down on the Farm, Something's Biting Back
The setup is classic small-town siege: the Brown family, living a quiet life in rural Grover's Bend, Kansas (actually filmed around Valencia, California!), becomes ground zero for an alien invasion of the most inconvenient kind. These aren't sophisticated conquerors; they're Krites – escaped prisoners that look like rabid Tribbles with rows upon rows of piranha teeth and an insatiable appetite. Leading the human resistance is matriarch Helen Brown, played with that perfect blend of maternal warmth and grit by the legendary Dee Wallace (E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, Cujo). She anchors the film, making the increasingly bizarre situation feel grounded, even when her kitchen is being overrun by spiky space vermin.
Alongside her, we get Billy Green Bush as the stoic dad, Jay, and a young Scott Grimes (before ER or The Orville) as the resourceful son, Brad, whose fireworks stash proves surprisingly useful against extraterrestrial threats. And let's not forget M. Emmet Walsh (Blade Runner) doing what he does best as the perpetually exasperated Sheriff Harv, completely unprepared for carnivorous furballs.
### The Chiodo Charm: Practical Monsters Rule
But let's be honest, we're here for the creatures! Forget pixel-perfect renders; the Krites are masterpieces of practical puppetry brought to life by the brilliant Chiodo Brothers (Stephen, Charles & Edward), who would later unleash their own brand of B-movie magic with Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988). These things felt real. They rolled, they bounced, they snarled, and those countless teeth looked genuinely sharp. You could almost feel the texture through the screen. Remember how they could shoot paralyzing quills? That low-budget ingenuity, relying on clever puppeteering and camera angles, gave them a tangible menace that modern digital creations often lack. There's a weight, a presence to these practical nightmares that just hits different.
Adding to the delightful weirdness are the two shapeshifting alien bounty hunters, Ug and Lee, dispatched to retrieve the Krites. Their ability to morph into familiar forms – first arriving as faceless voids, then sampling local culture by adopting the visage of rockstar Johnny Steele (played by Terrence Mann, who also belts out the perfectly cheesy rock track "Power of the Night") and later, hilariously, locals like the town preacher – provides much of the film's off-kilter humor. Watching these stoic hunters try to blend in while wielding ludicrously oversized space weaponry is pure 80s gold. It was director Stephen Herek's feature debut, and you can see flashes of the genre-blending fun he’d later perfect in films like Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989).
### More Bite Than Budget
Working with a modest budget (around $3 million), Critters punches well above its weight. The action ramps up nicely, escalating from mysterious cattle mutilations (a classic!) to a full-blown house siege. The effects are practical, sometimes ropey, but always deployed with enthusiasm. Remember the big explosion at the end? Real fire, real debris – it felt raw and dangerous in a way that overly polished sequences sometimes miss. The synth-heavy score by David Newman also perfectly captures that mid-80s vibe, shifting between suspense and quirky sci-fi adventure.
While maybe not as critically lauded as some of its contemporaries upon release, Critters hit big where it counted: the video rental market. It became a beloved cult classic, a tape passed between friends, spawning a surprisingly resilient franchise. It gave us Critters 2: The Main Course (1988), the slightly bizarre Critters 3 (1991) – notable for being Leonardo DiCaprio's film debut! – and the space-bound Critters 4 (1992), proving these little hairballs had staying power.
***
VHS Heaven Rating: 7.5 / 10
Why this score? Critters isn't high art, but it’s a ridiculously entertaining slice of 80s creature feature fun. It expertly blends horror, sci-fi, and comedy, anchored by great practical effects from the Chiodo Brothers and a game cast led by Dee Wallace. The budget limitations sometimes show, and it definitely wears its era on its sleeve, but its energy, creature design, and sheer B-movie charm are undeniable. It overcomes its Gremlins-lite reputation with its own quirky personality and meaner streak.
Final Thought: In the grand buffet of 80s monster movies available on glorious VHS, Critters remains a satisfyingly crunchy and endlessly rewatchable main course, proving practical puppets could still pack a serious bite. They just don't make 'em quite like this anymore.