Alright, fellow tape-heads, let’s rewind to a dusty corner of the video store, probably nestled between Prom Night and My Bloody Valentine. You might have stumbled upon a strange cover, maybe featuring a pair of scissors and an apple, promising horror but hinting at something… else. I’m talking about 1981’s Student Bodies, a film that took a stab at the slasher genre years before the Wayans brothers made it mainstream again.
Laughing in the Face of Death (Literally)
From its opening scroll – a solemn "Warning" that the film contains nudity, violence, offensive language, and repeated use of the word 'horny' – Student Bodies announces its intentions loud and clear. This isn't your typical stalk-and-slash flick; it's a full-blown, often deliberately stupid, send-up of the very tropes that were solidifying in the early 80s horror scene. The plot? Oh, it’s simple: a killer known only as "The Breather" (due to his incessant, wheezing phone calls) is picking off the sexually active students of Lamab High, one ridiculous murder weapon at a time. Sound familiar? That’s entirely the point.
Our final girl-ish lead is Toby (Kristen Riter), navigating the chaos alongside her maybe-boyfriend Hardy (Matt Goldsby). They, and the rest of the largely unknown cast, commit fully to the absurdity. There’s a certain charm to seeing these fresh faces tackle material that swings wildly between deadpan delivery and outright mugging for the camera. They aren’t seasoned stars, and frankly, that feels right for a film gleefully thumbing its nose at cinematic convention.
The Art of the Absurd Kill
Forget machetes and butcher knives (mostly). The Breather's arsenal includes paper clips, an eggplant, lethal horsehead bookends, and, in one unforgettable moment, death by blackboard erasers. It’s juvenile, yes, but it’s also a pretty sharp commentary on the increasingly elaborate and nonsensical kills popping up in slasher films of the era. Remember how intense some of those practical gore effects felt back then, even in low-budget shockers? Student Bodies flips that, making the lack of convincing gore the punchline. The effects here are intentionally cheap, relying on cartoonish sound effects and awkward staging for laughs. It's the anti-Tom Savini approach, and in its own bizarre way, it works. There's a running gag involving an on-screen body count updated via chalkboard that still gets a chuckle.
Behind the Smirk
Now, here’s a fun slice of retro trivia: the credited director is Mickey Rose, who famously co-wrote early Woody Allen classics like Take the Money and Run and Bananas. That background in anarchic comedy certainly shines through. However, it's widely known in film circles that veteran director Michael Ritchie (Fletch, The Bad News Bears) actually stepped in and helmed much of the picture uncredited after Rose was allegedly let go by Paramount Pictures early in the shoot. Knowing Ritchie's knack for sharp satire perhaps explains some of the film's more successful comedic moments, blending Rose's absurdist tendencies with a slightly slicker sensibility. It’s a fascinating "what if?" scenario baked into the film's DNA. Made for a reported pittance (around $1 million), it managed to turn a profit, proving there was an appetite for laughing at horror, not just screaming with it.
Finding the Funny on Fuzzy VHS
Watching Student Bodies today is like digging up a time capsule filled with goofy jokes and feathered hair. It's undeniably dated, with humour that’s sometimes creaky and pacing that occasionally drags between gags. But finding this gem on VHS back in the day felt like uncovering a secret handshake amongst horror fans. It was proof that someone else saw the inherent silliness in masked killers, final girls, and convoluted motives. It didn't have the budget or polish of later spoofs, relying instead on sheer nerve and a willingness to throw everything at the wall. Did every joke land? Definitely not. But wasn't discovering these weird, off-kilter comedies part of the fun of browsing those video store aisles?
Compared to the slick, reference-heavy spoofs that came later (Scary Movie, anyone?), Student Bodies feels charmingly ramshackle, like a skit put on by talented class clowns who just happened to get a movie deal. It broke the fourth wall constantly, directly addressing the audience long before Deadpool made it cool again.
Rating: 6/10
Justification: Student Bodies earns a solid 6 for its historical significance as one of the very first slasher parodies and for its genuinely funny moments of inspired absurdity. It bravely lampooned a genre while it was still peaking, even if the execution is wildly inconsistent and the low budget shows. The hit-or-miss gags and dated elements keep it from scoring higher, but its cult status is well-deserved for sheer weirdness and pioneering spirit.
Final Thought: Forget sophisticated satire; Student Bodies is the cinematic equivalent of a prank phone call made by your funniest, weirdest friend – crude, silly, occasionally brilliant, and unmistakably a product of the early 80s video craze. Good luck getting those wheezing phone calls out of your head.